as u can see.. i hav changed the layout of my blogskin.. but i hav not changed the titles and fonts.. somehow im not gdd at this.. (anyway thanx jiayan 4 sayin its nice.. but i dun tink it is!!)

firstly i hav a realli weak color recognition.. i was color deficient since young and i couldn't recognize certain patern of colors.. when i tried 2 mix and match the colors i could not figure out how come there's prob wif my choices and judgment.. and when i inserted the color codes they seemed 2 b dif from the original.. i realli freak out..

then when i got it all done.. i shook my head in disbelief.. this is perhaps one of the worst skins i ever hadd.. but nevertheless the desings ar gdd and the navigations ar easily accessible like b4.. so in terms of the basics its still quite ok.. i tink..

but seriously i need help.. where's AaAaAaRrRrrRo0o0NnNNnnNn!!!!????

and the past few daes.. the lakers lose.. totally no mood.. then england also lose against france in a friendly.. im realli disappointed.. these 2 teams, the lakers and the england national team, ar the teams tt had alot 2 prove but yet 2 perform.. everyone is waitin 4 them 2 rise up 2 the occasion.. includin me..

went back camp yesterdae 4 the high noon briefin and the kitbag inspections.. after tt we proceeded on 4 a ORD dinner 4 the commanders who ar goin 2 ORD this comin june.. time realli flies and im jus 3mths away from their date of ORD.. when they rolled the video of the milestones and the achievements in the unit.. it realli touches my heart.. wat we hav gone thru was probably amzing and unbelievable.. some tink its crazy.. but we went thru it anyway..

4 a moment i reflected.. this unit might not b bad after all.. i was too quick to judge or perhaps too "short sighted" 4 the upcomin events.. yet all things STILL work 4 the gdd 4 those who believe in Him..




last sun while i was doin my duty at the SAF ward.. i was quite dissastisfied wif it.. i mean its easter sun and i am doin duty.. how baddd can tt be??

i spent quite some time readin the bible and seekin God.. since there was not much (or almost nothin) 2 do.. i was so touched and blessed by the word of God.. then i was reminded tt while im in brunei.. i seek God and pray tt He will stand by me durin my exercise and my outfield trainings.. and God gave me a revelation tt king david was in the wilderness for most of the time and God was wif him.. he wrote many psalms at his times of insecurity and God stood by him..

and then i felt tt God said 2 me, "listen.. I am wif u.. wat ar u still fearful of??" and im like, "i dunno.. its prob the environment.. the place where im in.." then God reminded me tt there is actualli no difference coz He's wif me.. its jus my confidence in Him and even though im not in church tt day i can b assured tt He will go wif me..

so mon i returned back 2 camp and immediately i packed up my stuffs 4 my upcomin taiwan trip.. it all went smoothly and i jus spent a little time at the med ctr and then back 2 bunk.. since there was nothin 2 do..

usu when there is nites off i'll b rather "emotional" becoz i noe tt though im out 4 a while i'll b back in again disgruntled.. then i felt God's promptin, "come.. let's see a smile.." and i jus smiled.. and i was prompted 2 smile better.. and i let out a wide smile.. i noe tt my environment shall not b a factor when it comes 2 God's presence.. as long as my faith is not moved.. the assurance of God being there is there..




besides king david and solomon.. 1 other king tt i realli admire is king hezekiah..

durin his reign.. the land of judah was in a total turmoil.. ppl were corrupted in their minds and in their ways.. yet king hezekiah chose 2 trust God and chose 2 serve Him.. it came upon him tt the king of assyria besieged his town and his army strength is much much greater than his.. the assyrian king even insulted and humiliated the LORD tt He has no power 2 save the king of judah from this adversary and even went ard the walls of the city and threatened each individual to surrender their lives to the assyrian king..

when i read this story.. 4 a moment i tot i had a similar situation like him.. so pressed up.. so lost.. and furthermore there seemed 2 b no way out and time again i almost broke down.. time and again i'll b devastated..

but king hezekiah chose 2 seek God and the prophet isaiah prophecied abt the victory tt judah is abt 2 claim.. and 2 kings 19:35 it says, "tt nite.. the angel of the LORD killed 185,000 assyrians and the king was forced 2 withdraw his troops.."

it seems tt whenever there is a major prob tt arises within me.. it was settled not with my own strength nor wif my own might.. it jus happen so naturally tt i wouldn't expect it 2 happen.. time and again i ask God, "y do u chose 2 help me this way??" and he will remind me of the verse tt the angel of God is helpin me 2 fix the situation..

wat can i say?? time and again i've got out of my troubles tt unexpectedly hit me.. i was reminded tt "when we go thru the rivers of difficult.. He will be there for us.. we shall hav no fear.."




i jus felt so drained now tt in back home.. physically im ok.. mentally i tot i could not take it anymore.. as i walked out from camp jus now i tot tt i was goin 2 die from severe brain damage..

since i hav duty this sun at the SAF ward.. y not i jus report sick 4 depression this sun 2 the duty MO there??

i realli dun understand.. after 2 wks of ops huntin 4 mas selamat.. i wasn't "paid back" wif any off days.. instead we were told 2 prepare our necessary stuff 4 the upcomin taiwan trip.. and i dun feel like goin 2 taiwan.. 2 mths back when im in brunei i tot tt taiwan would b a better place 2 train and im lookin 4ward 2 it.. now it doesn't seem so.. i not lookin 4ward 2 the upcomin taiwan trip.. im tired.. i need some rest..

and i onli hav less than 6 mths 2 ORD.. i haven even submit any applications 2 any local universities yet.. i hav filled up the forms tt were needed but i haven formally applied a placin 4 my university becoz of my "THEY-THINK-THEY-AR THE-BEST" unit..

if they play down the fact tt they tink they ar the best.. then it'll shall b the "YOU-WILL-NEVER-CLEAR-UR-LEAVE-B4-U-ORD" unit.. this yr i got a few of my spec friendz who had little or no chance in clearin their offs and leaves b4 they ORD.. 1 of them even extend their ORD date by 10 daes becoz of the upcomin taiwan ex.. (of coz wif peer pressure.. by those who ORD some time later and those regulars.. esp the biggest 2 from our coy..)

is the SAF realli deprivin our study needs?? wrong.. its onli this freak unit tt is deprivin so.. perhaps it has structured a culture tt shut down our intelligence in the society and therefore makin us redundant and deviated.. and when we wan 2 switch 2 become prospective young bright things of the outside world we couldn't realli do so.. well done 2SIR.. it seemed tt "READY!!" had made each an every poor NSF becomin a chiong-sua freak..

perhaps i realli chose the wrong route of becomin a spec.. i wanted a gdd pay.. i was perhaps realli greedy 4 the xtra few hundred a mth.. little did i noe tt i end up gettin all the wrong things tt i did not wan..

alrite.. its realli gonna b over.. less than 6 mths...




i cant believe i actualli look away from "king nebuchanezzar" when he kept on scoldin me.. it seems tt his words, or my actions dun reali matter 2 me anymore..

hav i realli gone to a pt tt i felt so hopeless and helpless?? it seems so.. the ops is neverendin.. it keeps on extendin and extendin.. the latest news was tt it eats up my comin good friday.. the public holidae..

1 guy.. tt escaped.. made the police go huntin.. makes the SAF 2 b activated 2 search.. made us NSFs go crazyyyy..

the "idolatrous king" jus went on rantin and condemning my actions 4 the past few daes.. weeks.. and even months.. he can go on and on rakin my past.. i heard he's a devoted buddhist.. and if his religion tell him 2 show mercy.. (which i noe he was taught so..) and he didnt do it.. obviously he's 1 heck of a double faced man.. in front of his god he acts like an absolute devotee.. and in front of his subordinates he's the absolute opp..

well done.. no wonder he's notoriously labelled as the "professional con man"..

then the past few daes i kept hearin abt the public criticising the army personnels abt their "behavior" durin the ops.. firstly they pics of them sittin under the shade and they tot he was actualli slackin.. then there ar ppl who questioned the rationale of the personnels sittin at certain points as they tot tt they were slackin..

yet they were nv once appreciative of WAT WE HAV DONE.. sometimes is verii disheartenin 2 hear from these ppl.. the feelin is as gdd as bein backstabbed.. wif our society tt is filled wif critics and backstabbers... y dun we see ppl who ar compassionate.. lovin.. understandin 2wards one another?? tt's a realli big tragic in 2dae's world..

well... tomolo's another workin dae 4 us.. rantings or not.. the ops could not cease until mas selamat is found..




ok so im goin back 2 camp in 30 min time.. but b4 tt gotta make some updates eh??

so my unit "huntin season" is abt 2 over.. in abt 4 days time.. i'll bloggg everythin abt it.. of coz this ops is still confidential if mas selamat is not found.. so i cant blogg abt the details.. but i can onli giv some ts 4 views and tots..

ohh well.. since i hav nothin much.. i'll prob reveal my personality traits on some personality DNA test i took some time ago..

A lot of your time is spent at home, or with the people you care about

well if wat they meant is "when u book out" then i guess the ans is prob so.. its all abt buildin relationships.. when i care 4 them.. i truly love them.. love is somethin tt u giv.. u sacrifice.. an inward feelin expressed by a outward action.. if there ar no actions expressed 2wards the person.. it is not love.. if it wasn't somethin of a givin act or a sacrificial act.. tt's not love..

Although you may dream often, you're very aware of how things work, and you value things that work well.

there's some other survey tt i took which reveal me as an idealist.. tt i would often hope for a better situation and a better mgt 2 a certain prob.. sometimes my capabilities ar limited but i noe deep down tt the situation would b better if it were 2 work this way.. things tt work well will always work well.. tt's a simple consistency and well balanced theory in life..

You take comfort in the familiar, and value predictability—and others value those things in you.

this trait is abit weird.. but who doesn't?? the familiar and the predictable ar the ones which ar realli easi 2 handle/manage becoz we hav seen it and we hav done it.. i always tell myself tt if i had seen it or done it.. i can do it again.. and again.. and then again.. others value those things in me?? i seriously dunno.. i mean u expect me 2 go ard and ask all my friendz if they value these things in me??




130208

perhaps the 1st few daes ar the hardest daes here in brunei.. when i retire 4 the dae or when im alone i start 2 tink of sg again.. nevertheless i thank God tt my OC and my CSM ar still quite satisfied wif my work so far.. the impt thing is 2 continue 2 draw strength from God and let His grace b sufficient on my weakness.. the feelin of comin 2 this brunei camp is like im bein teleported here and after a certain period of time i'll go back 2 "reality" again..

170208

tomolo i'll b goin 4 my 1st navigation ex since 1 yr ago.. the past few daes had been hectic.. when i got out of bed i hav no time 2 shut my eyes until it's time 2 slp.. the onli time i can let my hair down is when im participatin in the ex.. yestrdae im rather stressed abt my medical admin matters.. then last nite i had a bad dream tt i killed someone.. and i woke up and searched myself if i had realli killed him.. rite now im still abit confused.. did i realli killed the person??

200208

after 2dae i wont b seein civilisation for 4 daes.. the navigation ex was ok but i didnt felt challenged because i knew mt biang is more than meets the eye.. and my nitemare jus wouldn't stop.. im not talkin abt bad dreams but dreams tt ar 2 gd 2 b true tt it snaps back 2 reality in a flash.. i long 2 see my cg mem and my family but i hav yet 2 tell them.. i jus wanted 2 wait till everythin's over b4 i send my 1st msg.. furthermore i sense tt God sent His angels 2 watch over me.. i cant fail Him..

250208

wat an adventure!! wat an EX!! this was a real eye opener 4 me!! from climbin up mt biang 2 walkin in the nite.. those exp were gd.. tough and adventurous.. and esp biang.. i had 2 crawl up on the last lap and i keep tellin myself not 2 giv up.. the weather 4 the past few daes had been harsh as it nv fails 2 rain at nite.. wat realli motivates me thru out is tt i noe tt each step i take is a step closer 2 home and this EX cant last 4eva.. i thank God tt He was wif me thru it all as i noe He kept cheerin me on thru out this EX..

270208

its approx 1 hr b4 i reach sg at 0100 hrs.. i had a blast in brunei!! the guided tour was gdd as the places we visited were meant 2 b visited once onli.. hahaha.. i realize tt this brunei trip is not the end.. but it marks a new beginnin.. im lookin 4ward 2the EXs like buck speed and high noon where they could b even more challengin.. overall.. there were some ups and downs in this brunei trip.. but i noe tt all things will work 4 the gd 4 those who love Him..




yes i noe tt guy mas selamat is missin.. and yes my unit is tasked 2 find him.. therefore startin from fri no one's supposed 2 go home till he's found or further instructions ar given..

i was quite shocked when i receive news on mon tt we ar confined over the weekend 2 find him.. i jus hope tt i wasn't true.. but it turned out 2 b the truth.. so yesterdae i gathered all my food resources and i stocked them up in bunk.. knowin tt i'll b needin them 4 abt 7-10 daes at the least..

then i was reminded a verse tt all things will work 2gether for gd for those who love Him and called accordin 2 His purpose.. tt's like the onli hope i could cling on for this situation rite now.. i couldn't be prayin, "God, pls strike down mas selamat!!" or "God, let the police find him in Jesus' name.." (mind u tt he's a muslim and his God is somewhat similar to mine... except 4 a diff belief and mediator..)

on the medical side.. things started 2 get a little warmed up.. the senior medic is conductin outfield trainin 4 the medics and our medical administration and items hav been strictly monitored as another audit check is near the corner.. for the past few daes the medics were scramblin ard 2 get things done.. despite the fact tt they dun seem combat fit 2 me.. im amazed tt they ar mentally fit as they can cope wif the operation this fri and the audit which is round the corner.. its not easi as these 2 events ar equally impt 2 the med ctr.. they realli deserve my respect this time round..

the last few nites i hav not slept well and when im in brunei i couldn't slp well too.. not becoz i could not slp.. but i kept on havin nitemares.. each time i wake up i tell myself tt i would not wan 2 get back 2 tt dream again.. but time and again i got realli weird and scary dreams.. in brunei i got diff ones but yet they ar as scary.. i jus leave it all 2 God's hands..

well i could hav blogged abt my brunei trip 2dae.. but i 4get 2 bring tt pocket diary home.. well if by any miracle tt i can hav nites off tomolo i'll surely bloggg abt it.. if not.. well.. i'll prob bloggg at the nxt time when i get my hands on the com or the internet.. haha..

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