this thingy abt bunk bondin seems quite crappy and shit.. 1 of these daes im gonna b frustrated and weary abt wat our bunk could do and so on and so for.. lincoln has been pullin the strings.. i wished he stopped all these nonsense.. sometimes i need abit of peace and quiet wif the things ard me..

mervyn was rite.. w/o lincoln the bunk seems quieter and more peaceful.. im not blamin 4 wat lincoln has done and he has made alot of effort puttin our bunk 2gether in unity.. at least he's better than gregory tan.. coz greg talks alot and he can go all dae talkin and talkin w/o work bein done..

our bunk had ups and downs.. we gone thru this course 2gether.. watever shit we experienced we experienced 2gether.. i mus admit this has been the best section i ever lived wif so far.. however.. deep in my heart i knew tt the happiness and joy would come 2 a halt when we depart 4 our own lives and destiny.. livin us an illusion or a wat-might-hav-been tots..

perhaps its jus me who sometimes need 2 withdraw from the crowd 2 tink and refresh my mind.. its been quite some time when im left alone thinkin the things tt i could do and 2 b done..




when i always read abt famous ppl failin 2 accomplish somethin big in their lives.. i always felt sadd 4 them.. nv did it expect the same thing 2 happen in my life..

thomas edison tried a 1000 times and then he invented the lightbulb and thus changin the history of mankind.. however.. he failed 2 make profits out of his own invention.. he made it jus 4 the rest of all man 2 earn their profits in their own electronic businesses..

the great miltary adviser ever known, zhuge liang.. had mani wits and ideas 2 win a battle and their enemies.. however.. his dream is to restore the dynasty back 2 order.. he failed in all his 6 northern campaigns not by tactical loss.. but by chance.. in his sixth northern campaign he died in his tent.. aged 54.. leavin a legacy and an unfulfilled dream..

though im not as famous as these ppl.. i had failed my parts too.. not by ignorance but by chance..

last fri while i was doin my practical work.. i rehearsed in my mind and hav taken note of all the things i should do.. mani times i hav rehearsin in my mind and i observe carefully the demonstratiion tt has been done.. finally when's my turn 2 do.. i followed step by step and i knew i had not missed out anythin.. however.. the apparatus tt i used were faulty and my sgt didnt noe abt it.. i assumed tt my grp mem has told him abt tt but they didnt.. so when i did it everythin when haywired and i was at a loss.. in the end i did not do well all becoz of a faulty apparatus.. i told my sgt tt it was spoiled but he dun giv a damn abt it..

how can i succeed like this?? in the end everythin is back 2 square one.. and i feel tt im nowhere near my mark..




i'll b goin down a familiar route down a familiar place.. and b4 i do.. i better not suffer from any emotional attacks..

travellin down wif my mp3 on seems creepy.. and when the device plays a familiar song i'll find myself wonderin and reflectin on the things tt i hav gone thru when i travelled on the same bus no. on down the same place once again.. it leaves me into a daze.. but at the same time the feelin could b unbelievable and different..

ohhh.. wats the past is the past.. i should b carryin on wif my life..

however.. its jus a nite 2 rem.. rememberin the "golden hr" tt was spent wif her on the way back and from there.. it was the last time i hav seen her.. then a mth later im enlisted into the army.. and tt's the rest is history..

2dae.. when i will take the bus down again.. it'll b different.. i looked at myself and looked at how far i hav been thru.. its pointless 2 ponder at the past and tink how could it been..

coz things ar diff now.. things changed and the lives ar renewed.. startin all over again..




now im back home and i felt like i jus woke up from a nite mare.. jus like b4..

the nite mare was real.. guard duty ended this mornin and we were not given time 2 wash up and hav a little rest.. instead we went straight 4 a mock test.. after the mock test we went into our practices again.. we practised and practised and the room is so freakin cold..

after lunch is the practises again and again.. im feelin a little uncomfortable already.. and when's my turn 2 play the role of the casaulty i realli felt tt i needed 2 b loaded up and b sent 2 a hospital.. im feelin so uncomfortable and sick..

and after tt we booked out already.. and once again i felt abit sick.. i realli dun feel like goin 2 the pub later on 4 lincoln's bdae..

felt like im bein put 2 the test of bein hunged upside down and its how much can i endure thru it all.. i pray tt i would hav strength.. and by the grace of God survive..




as mani of u hav known.. i would sometimes b lost in my own world thinkin of stuffs tt makes me feel detached from reality.. it used 2 b a gdd retreat 4 my mind.. but recently.. i fould tt im so scared bein lost in my own world becoz wat i develop in my tots ar negative emotions..

its true tt i do develop negative emotions when im lost in my own world previously.. but as those negative emotions seep in.. its still within my control as i recognized them and yet they ar stuffs tt i believe i can overcome..

but recently.. the negative emotions overpowered me.. at times mayb i would feel realli realli sadd.. at times helpless.. as i tried not 2 tink.. it kept on comin back 2 me.. at times when im alone.. it would b worse.. some nites i scared of sleepin..

and sleepin is like a terrible thing 2 me..

i always wake up from my own world wif a hostile and regimental voice or sound.. it somewhat cuts thru the beautiful part of my hope and banishin my tots back 2 reality.. and when tt happens i noe the nxt thing is time 2 get out of bed.. at most daes i would still b in a daze didn't noe wat's goin on..

it makes me rather afraid 2 tink wat will happen nxt.. i jus take 1 step at a time everydae.. so far everythin goes well.. wat's nxt?? i DUNWAN 2 noe.. nv even tink abt it..




willy wished me a happi easter weekend.. i make sure tt his wishes dun go in vain..

on sat when i reached church.. i kept on shinin my not-so-white teeth.. though its not as white as snow.. it does make a diff.. aniwae.. since when u see wEiwEi smilin so brightly ALL THE TIME?? coz i'll b smilin and the nxt moment im not.. but its diff on sat.. the new friendz came like the flood.. thank God 4 tt.. and i'll b in deep trouble if i pull a sulky face at any pt of time..

and the female twins aka kaixin and kaiwei were rite.. i do make a diff when i smile ALOT... and I DID.. therefore everybody was happi..and when they were happi.. it makes me happi too and the dae was rated.. excellent!!

now dun expect me 2 smile all the time in camp.. its not always gdd when u ar always stayin in and kenna tekan by those freakin sgts.. and they ar SUPER FREAKIN!! argghh..

so after svc we went 2 the carnival and i admit it was better.. at least the crowds were present most of the time.. and recently i realized daryl kinda train me up 4 manhood.. which means i may get a partner wif the grace of God and a little help from my cg leader.. how wonderful.. lolzz..

so after the svc i realized tt there were faults and errors thru out the drama.. but i dun realli care.. i put on a positive attitude 2wards the ppl tt worked 2gether 4 this production as i jus sit back and enjoy the svc.. negative remarks?? who cares?? everythin's jus enjoyable.. wat negative remarks??




yesterdae was the end of the med ctr attachment aka back 2 hell again.. and 2 make things worse.. it was onli a half dae event followed by our IPPT test..

the whole lot of us returned 2 nee soon camp and exchange stories of wat we hav been thru.. as 4 me.. im not lookin 4ward 2 my IPPT test.. damn.. thinkin the fact tt if there were no IPPT test i could hav booked out at 4pm yesterdae or mayb even earlier.. man.. IPPT test starts at 4pm yesterdae.. tt's like deprivin my privelleges 2 fly away~~

and i jus gave my best 2 do my IPPT despite still clingin on 2 the fact tt i could hav booked out.. therefore in the end.. i did not hit 9:44 for my 2.4km run becoz i still held grudges wif the fact tt i can book out.. aniwae its verii simple.. jus push this test into another dae and tt's it!!

aniwae the dae ends wif all the nonsensical regimentation tt our sgts gave 2 us.. so its once again back 2 reality.. my soul is still somewhere in the med ctr at khatib.. hope tt it'll come back soon..

aniwae despite all these shitty exp yesterdae.. i found tt the ppl ard me were a little nicer 2wards me.. probably its the fact tt they can book out everydae or i dunno wat.. its kinda weird tt suddenly they were nice.. oh well.. i shall see..




another relaxed dae has jus passed.. i had learned quite a fair bit 2dae wif all the drugs and stuff..

after tt i went home and watched mr bean holidae on my com.. not a verii gd movie but i still watched it till the end..

and after the movie.. my mind was like in a blank.. the movie has a gdd endin but the endin was like a fantasy.. after the movie its all back 2 reality.. and reality is disappointin..

i told chee lun this afternoon tt how i wish everydae's like tt.. and time would jus stop jus 4 us 2 enjoy.. he said, "well.. i wouldn't wan tt.. tt means i'll nv get my salary.."

face it wEiwEi.. im too in my own world.. the real thing is now and the future..

in the back of my mind i could hear myself scoldin me, "y ar u like this?? get up and get on!! ar u realli a failure?? ar u realli tt lousy in life?? look at me!! u ar gd!! u can do it!! u wan 2 giv up like this?? ar u realli tt sure?? how can u gi up now?? i tell u.. dun giv up now!!" wif tt.. i could feel the inner part of me grabbin my soul and confronted face 2 face..

or perhaps i jus refused 2 get the 1001th time..

but i believe God would make things better.. at least i noe tt whenever i feel like givin up.. there's always somethin worth pressin on..




2dae's my 1st dae of the medical ctr attachment at khatib camp.. met up wif gdd old jerry and he's doin pretty well in his unit.. realli wished him all the best in his vocation..

well apart from meetin an gdd pal.. work was like.. relaxed..

(now i cant realli sae slackk.. this word is like a taboo 2 my vocation.. after all.. we aren't slackk.. we hav work 2 do.. but we jus pray tt it wont come.. lolzz..)

reported work at 8am.. we learned all we need 2 noe 4 the dae at 11am.. and basically i got a gd feel on how the medical ctr got 2 run in certain depts... but seriously after 11am everythin's learned 4 the dae..

after tt the whole lot of us crowded ard us and were eager 2 test out stuffs and the gadgets in the medical ctr..

after lunch we basically laze ard and lookin ard if there's other stuff 2 play ard.. at ard 3 plus.. the medical ctr was basically empty.. we sit ard.. watchin the papers.. and after tt talk 2 some medics and 4PM WE AR OFF FROM CAMP..

i felt its like a gd life 4 me.. and if life's like tt everydae i would b realli realli happi.. but can it b this way?? jus pray tt i wont kenna 2 become a company medic.. im sick of regimentation.. even though i wayang alot.. im tired of it..

do not indulge in this fantasy.. tt's wat i keep tellin myself.. face the reality no matter wat happens..




ok.. so it seems tt there is jus another part of me.. which i had 2 admit.. its diff from wat i always portray myself outside..

i tend 2 blast at everyone when im not in the mood or rather when im unhappi over certain issues.. i would even giv them a big time cold shoulder 2 tell them 2 buzz off from my world.. and most of the time i jus lose my cool over certain things becoz i dun understand y and how and wat makes them work tt way..

now 2 all the happi buddies out there.. yes im like this in camp.. i am a diff face altogether..

and tt causes unhappiness among the mates tt i live wif b4 and perhaps now .. and also instructors.. and they jus cant wait 2 wallop me if the SAF rules doesn't exist.. and i noe at least a whole lot of 20 over ppl wans 2 beat me up..

but wat's the pt?? yes it'll make u feel gd.. it'll make u lose all ur frustrations.. but 4 me i dun realli care.. and 2 all the my platoon mates.. whack me all u wan.. like i sae.. i dun care.. but as long as i live.. things will still carry on as the way they were..

and u wan me 2 change?? my attitude?? look.. 1stly.. some ppl dunno how 2 manage ppl well.. all they noe is 2 shout at ppl when things goes wrong and praise u up 2 heaven when u causes light among their lives.. and 1 fella told me tt they hav 2 do this.. wat crap.. it shows me tt u ppl ar damn selfish as u onli noe how 2 protect ur own backsides and dun giv a damn abt the fate of ur ppl!!

do i respect u?? do i look upon u?? no!! i detest u all.. u ppl ar losers when it comes 2 a help or a need..

at the end of the dae.. u could onli sum up this whole shit into 1 word: politics.. and playin sabotage ain't fun.. it's onli 4 those who ar timid.. i can take any hell tt comes 2 me.. not like some whom i noe killin each other in secret..




it's been such a long time where i bounce tt leathered ball and smell a victory 4 it..

(ahhh well.. bball matches get me all hyped up.. daily lives ar such a bore.. u dunwan 2 b bored off do u??)

on tues i had a 2-on-2 match bball game.. kok hai sae tt i played as if tt game was the championship game in nee soon camp.. lolzz.. but yahzz.. i took every game seriously.. and for 3 matches.. my team wins.. all thanks 2 my solo efforts all the time.. lolzz.. and also the not-so-tall ppl defended me which gives me kinda advantage 2 the game..

well aniwae i realli enjoyed myself playin out my passion..

yesterdae had another bball game!! yippee!! this time wif the cg.. it was supposed 2 b an outreach but i was late due 2 prayer meetin.. but aniwaes.. when im there in the court.. game on!!

some of the mem like albert and qiqi played realliwell.. however i kinda stole the spotlight once again.. i felt like i could shoot a dozen baskets 2dae judging the ht. of tt ring and indeed i took my shots well.. there were familiar moanings and frustrations abt defendin me as i played the game my way.. well but it rained suddenly!!! hmmfff... dampen my mood of playin.. but in tt short period of time i kinda "made my mark" once again.. lolzz

tt's all 4 the bball commentary..

actualli nothin realli interestin passed me by this wk.. i'll better b lookin 4ward 2 the subsequent wks..

wEiwEi
IMI
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